We often hear women saying this, “My husband doesn’t listen to my needs. He just doesn’t seem to understand what I want.”
It quickly becomes boring to keep having the same conversation, the one that always devolves into a heated debate or cold war. It doesn’t progress because neither party pays attention to what is being said.
However, when the husband isn’t doing his part to provide for the children, manage the household finances, or maintain the house, the wife usually ends up carrying the burden, which is taxing.
Think about it. If you don’t speak up, you’re sure to feel resentful, but what if he becomes agitated anytime you bring up a specific subject? What if it’s not a good moment to talk about it every time you do? If the husband simply won’t listen, what then? How can things ever go better if he won’t ever talk about it?
Having said that, it is also equally essential to state that majority of husbands do desire to interact with their spouses and thus, it would be unfair to group all men (or women) together according to a negative stereotype. On the contrary, men may have trouble expressing their actual emotions, but that doesn’t imply they don’t express at all.
In such cases, we can encourage the husbands to open up by acknowledging something they may already be doing. Looking at the wider picture and appreciating the good deeds your spouse has done for you instead of complaining about the little things will help them learn what works and what doesn’t for you. As far as human psychology goes, it is most likely that we enjoy having our efforts noticed and appreciated. It is just a characteristic of people, really. Therefore, why not start first in order to establish a culture of gratitude in the marriages?
According to John Gray, the author of the best seller, “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”, when the man or the husband feels appreciated, he feels like a hero to his wife and is motivated to be her hero. Of course, the wife doesn’t have to say “thank you” to him each time in order to get him to listen, but when she wants him to be receptive, that is a fantastic time to take a grateful look at the gestures he may have already done to help you in his own ways.
Another factor is while the wives believe thar they speak from a position of wanting something or trying to explain their needs to the husbands, what they forget to notice is that what they actually end up doing is just complaining which shuts down the husband. In such scenarios, instead of assumimg that they don’t care, assume the best and express the needs or rather just asking for it clearly helps a lot. Assuming negatively and reacting likewise may end up making the husband in the relationship feel guilty and thus, he will more than likely shut down.
Overall, healthy communication is one of the major stepping stones toward building trust in a relationship. Let’s think about it. Can you trust someone when you don’t know their heart? Of course not. Therefore, talking clearly, bridges the gap between knowing your spouse and trusting them.